#JendelaRamadan: Last minute Raya shopping tips for parents

WITH Hari Raya Aidilfitri fast approaching, bazaars and malls around the country are abuzz with activities and rushing customers trying to prepare for the festival. Customers are often spoilt for choice with the various tantalising food, clothes and other items available.

For parents, purchasing new items are often a priority as it heightens the joy and mood of the celebration. Thus many aim to buy the best despite the cost they may incur.

Although purchasing the best items is always a priority, not many can afford it. Thus it is important to teach children from a young age the difference between 'wants' and 'needs'.

A lecturer and developmental psychologist from Sunway University's Department of Psychology, Elaine Yong told Astro AWANI that parents need to make a clear explanation of of the two definition before they begin their Raya shopping.

'NICE TO HAVE'

“According to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, the basic needs of humans are few; namely physiological (food, water, sleep) followed by safety (security of body, health and family). The basic needs assist in our day-to-day survival.

“Wants on the other hand implies other things and objects that fall outside of the basic needs scope. Wants are “nice to have” and are not required for survival. Wants can give temporary happiness but its short term until the next object or thing is craved!

“Parents have to list down the things deemed as basic needs such as a set of ‘baju Raya’ and shoes, and wants such as a new smartphone," said Elaine.

In order to achieve that, several methods can be used to assist the children in understanding the meaning of money and expenditure.

Elaine also encourages parents to teach their children to read and know the different values of the currency and the overall concept of spending.

“There are many tools online. But I think the best way to teach about money and spending is by parents demonstrating good financial responsibility. Children are watching and learning from parents and when parents model responsible spending, their children will learn that too.

“Talk to your children about money, don’t leave the task to the school authorities. Tell them the importance for saving a portion of their allowance money.

“Reward the child when they are able to save even if it is a small percentage. Encourage them to have long term financial goals and save for it. Bring your children to the bank to deposit their Raya savings,” she said.

CHILDREN WILL START TO COMPARE

How do you explain to a child when they are compared to other children?

“It is completely in line with human nature to compare. We always think that the pasture is greener on the other side. However, the need to compare will never end. Therefore, it is much wiser for the parents to instill moderation and teach children to count their blessings instead,” she said.

Elaine's suggestion is for parents to start a new tradition, where each member of the family sits down together and give thanks for the many thing that they have.

“Create a card for people they want to give thanks to; or just a little note to praise someone. Have the child give the card or note personally on the first day of Raya,” said Elaine.

TIPS FOR PARENTS

Before leaving the house to begin shopping, parents need to ensure that each family member are in agreement on the type of items that they would purchase. Sit together and create a shopping which is agreeable to every member.

“As a bonus, each child can choose only ONE item to purchase. Parents can set a limit to the spending. If a child violates and throws a tantrum, the entire family leaves for home.

“The rule must be clearly established and violations followed through. It may be difficult initially, but parents can try practice shopping outings first to establish this routine before conducting the full-fledged Raya last minute shopping,” said Elaine.

WAYS TO HANDLE TANTRUMS

Tantrums are normal, said Elaine. It is perfectly normal for a child to be upset when they do not get their way.

“In a typical setting, a little soothing from the parents can distract the upset child. In the case of a tantrum, the child refuses to give in and goes all out to scream and kick up a fuss," she said.

Many times, parents fail to realise they are the ones encouraging the tantrums. When parents begin 'begging' a child to quiet down, it is often then that they realise they have the upper hand in the situation.

Thus, the child will continue to scream louder and fuss longer in anticipation that their parents would eventually give in.

Secondly, parents often lose the battle because they do not follow through with their ‘threats’. Children are very intelligent and will know that their parents have never followed through on their threats. Parents threaten with empty bullets!

Thirdly, is inconsistent parenting. Children often manage to manipulate their parents when they are brought up in an inconsistent manner.

“Thus, both parents should have a discussion on disciplining styles and follow the principle of ‘one household, one parenting style’,” said Elaine.