When Sumayyah Baig's family and friends tried to set her up with eligible Muslim men she might marry, they focused on all sorts of attributes: the men's professions, their family backgrounds, their ethnicity.
But Baig didn't care about any of that. All she wanted was a person she would click with, who would share her values. "I didn't care what nationality the person was. I just wanted them to have the same belief system," she said.
When sparks finally flew for Baig and a man with whom she was matched, it wasn't over a traditional coffee at her parents' house - it was on Snapchat.
And she met the man, now her husband, thanks to one of the online services springing up to cater to American Muslims like Baig, who want to marry fellow Muslims but don't want their parents setting them up.
"Being an American Muslim, being, I would say, an independent, I would think liberal, Muslim woman - that wasn't really a method that worked for me," Baig said. Instead, she signed up for Beyond Chai, a Muslim matchmaking service run by a team of Internet-savvy young Muslim adults based in the Washington area.
Beyond Chai and other Muslim dating services are seeing a surge of interest right now, as they cater to a generation hovering in between two norms - not interested in the customs their immigrant parents followed in the Muslim world, but also uninterested in finding a non-Muslim partner on a general-interest dating app.
Some young Muslims, who might have once considered marrying outside their faith, have become increasingly interested in finding a partner who shares their religion due to the political focus on Muslims in America in the past two years, the people behind these dating services say.
"I think what happens in any community that's under attack is people pull back into that community," said Haroon Mokhtarzada, the CEO of Minder, an app named because it strives to be a sort of Muslim Tinder. "People kind of double down on their identity when it's under attack. . .. 'Maybe I wasn't actually that serious about that. But I am Muslim. This is me. I need someone else who's also proud to be part of my group.'"
Beyond Chai, founded two years ago, saw a surge of interest after the inauguration of President Donald Trump, who said "I think Islam hates us" and proposed banning Muslims from the country while on the campaign trail, then ordered a ban on travelers from seven majority-Muslim countries just days after becoming president. In the past six months, membership in the matchmaking service has nearly doubled.
"I think what's happened in light of what's going on in the U.S. today . . . Muslim professionals, whether they're practicing or not, they wanted to really reevaluate their identity and see what's important to them," said Sadia Khan, one of the company's professional matchmakers, at a team meeting in Tysons recently.
Dating is a tricky subject for many Muslims. In much of the Muslim world, the concept of going on dates with different people to select the one you'll eventually marry is unheard of. Some Muslims only approve of chaperoned dates; many believe in waiting for physical intimacy until after marriage.
But a matchmaking system based on fathers seeking daughters' husbands that developed in the Muslim world doesn't work as well for women who are in their 20s or 30s and usually have university degrees and successful careers before they start looking for a husband.
Mokhtarzada thinks the way to balance religious piety and modern sophistication is his app.
"A lot of these Muslim women, they haven't actually had a lot of deep, intimate interactions with males. This kind of creates a safe space to have closer interactions: basically a chat room on the app, with people they match with," he said. "Religiously, there's no good reason that people shouldn't be going and meeting different people, especially because they aren't getting physically involved necessarily. It's just on the app."
That was the pattern Baig followed when Beyond Chai paired her up with her now-husband. They started out just by texting, and she immediately recognized that he shared her unusually blunt, frank demeanor. Then they moved to phone calls, then Skype. Soon they were sharing snippets of their day by Snapchat constantly. He saw her condo and her roommates. She let him see her at the end of the day when her makeup was gone; he showed himself sweaty after a soccer game. By the time he traveled from San Francisco to meet her in Chicago in person, they'd already fallen for each other. After a few months of back-and-forth visits, they married.
She credits a service focused on both compatibility and religiosity with making the perfect match for her. "When you make a decision, I need to know where you're coming from," she said, explaining why she knew she wanted to marry a fellow Muslim. "I think that my life is based off of this empowerment that I've gotten from my faith."
Ayesha Maqsood, 28, said she, too, has been turned off by the impersonal-seeming process of the matchmaking "aunties" her parents know, but wants to find a Muslim husband.
"I'm not the most religious person," she said. "But eventually one day I want to raise my kids how I was raised, in the Muslim faith. I want a partner who can share that with me. My parents, they're a bit more old-school. They'd prefer someone Pakistani like I am. I don't necessarily need that. I can marry someone black, white, Asian, Arab, just as long as they share the Muslim faith with me."
Maqsood, who said she has completed medical school and is now getting an MBA, has tried meeting men on Minder. After her cousin got married to someone Beyond Chai matched him with, she joined the service a month and a half ago. She trusts the Beyond Chai matchmakers, who are all in their 30s, more than the "aunties" of her parents' generation.
"Someone closer to your own age, who's been through the process, they'd be more understanding of my situation and what I was going through," she said.
The matchmakers say they've successfully paired off people of all ages and situations, from single parents to divorcés to widowed grandparents. (The one group not included in either Minder or Beyond Chai: gay Muslims.) Most of their clients are young adults, though. They seek matches for them within their database of fellow clients, and they add as many non-clients to their database as possible, by asking people to provide their information at major Muslim conventions and partnering with other matchmaking services and Muslim organizations.
Sometimes it takes personal outreach - for a client who wanted to marry a fellow Somali, matchmaker Saman Quraeshi said she recently found herself texting friends around the country looking for entrées to Somali communities.
Sitting around a table in the co-working space they sometimes rent in Tysons, the matchmakers take turns pulling profiles up on a projector screen. Abeer Ayaz asks for suggestions for someone to pair up with a 31-year-old Pakistani-American engineer living in Sterling, Virginia. "I think we need a bubbly, fun-loving type," she said. "We have one girl. She's in California."
"Is she open to relocating?" Quraeshi asked.
"She wants to be near the city because cities are fun. That was something she told me," Ayaz said. She pulled the woman's profile up on the screen, showing a photograph of her smiling under an ancient archway.
"He said he's a 'museum rat,' a history nerd," Quraeshi read from the man's profile, then turned back to the California woman's photo. "I feel like he would dig this picture."
One of the six matchmakers around the table suggested another woman, who at 34 was out of the engineer's preferred age range. Then another matchmaker suggested a 29-year-old in Dallas.
"Ohhh, she's actually a museum educator," Ayaz gushed. "The ultimate museum rat."
That was that. With a few clicks, they'd soon be introduced to each other. Another match, perhaps, had just been made.
The Washington Post
Thu Jul 06 2017
Matchmaker Abeer Ayaz, left; Beyond Chai co-founder and CEO Asad Ansari, center; and matchmaker Sadia Khan, right, discuss whom to set one of their matchmaking clients up with at a team meeting in Tysons Corner, Va. Pix Washington Post
Iran's supreme leader says Hamas leader's death will not halt 'Axis of Resistance'
The "Axis of Resistance", built up with years of Iranian support, includes Hamas, the Lebanese Hezbollah group, the Houthi movement in Yemen, and various Shi'ite groups in Iraq and Syria.
Putin says Russia willing to seek compromises between Iran and Israel
Russia is ready to help seek compromises between arch-foes Israel and Iran, President Vladimir Putin said on Friday, saying these would be difficult but possible.
What proposals will Russia push at the BRICS summit?
The proposal is also to establish a BRICS reinsurance company to allow uninterrupted shipment of goods and key commodities between members.
Indonesia's free meals plan in the spotlight as Prabowo readies for office
Prabowo calls the programme one of the main drivers of economic growth, eventually set to add an estimated 2.5 million jobs.
Astro AWANI's revamped English news website, AWANI International, launches on Oct 21
Astro AWANI's revamped English platform delivers in-depth global news and expert analysis to keep you informed on key developments.
Israeli strikes kill 33 people in Jabalia refugee camp in Gaza, medics say
Residents of Jabalia said Israeli tanks had reached the heart of the camp after pushing through suburbs and residential districts.
Liam Payne's ex-partner calls for media restraint after 'painful' death
Cheryl Tweedy used her statement to urge the media to remember they had a seven-year-old son, Bear, who could read the reports.
Analysts: Indonesia's strong MoF leadership team to boost investor confidence
Sri Mulyani Indrawati as head of Indonesia's Ministry of Finance is expected to instil confidence among investors.
Biden offers both a carrot and a stick to Israel as his term nears an end
Israel has frequently resisted US advice and has caused political difficulties for the Biden administration.
Putin says BRICS will generate most of global economic growth
Russian President Vladimir Putin will host a summit of the group in the city of Kazan on Oct. 22-24.
ISIS Malaysia's perspective of Budget 2025
An excellent rakyat-centric budget under the overarching principle of a caring and humane economy.
Budget 2025: Record increase in STR, SARA aid initiatives
The government will provide a significant boost to the Sumbangan Tunai Rahmah (STR) and Sumbangan Asas Rahmah (SARA) initiatives next year.
Budget 2025: EPF contributions to be made mandatory for foreign workers – PM Anwar
The government plans to make it compulsory for all non-citizen workers to contribute to the Employees Provident Fund (EPF).
What policies to expect from Indonesia's new President Prabowo
Prabowo will be open to foreign investment, his aide has said, such as by offering investors management of airports and sea ports.
Budget 2025: Govt allocates RM470 mil to empower women's participation in PMKS
The Women's Leadership Apprenticeship Program will be intensified as an effort to produce more female corporate personalities.
Israel sends more troops into north Gaza, deepens raid
Residents of Jabalia in northern Gaza said Israeli tanks had reached the heart of the camp, using heavy air and ground fire.
Indonesia ramps up security ahead of Prabowo's inauguration
Prabowo Subianto will be sworn in as Indonesia's president on Sunday with Vice President-elect, Gibran Rakabuming Raka, also taking office.
Immediate allocation of RM150 mil for local authorities, DID to tackle flash floods
Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim said this allocation is intended to address the recent flash floods that hit the capital and several major towns.
Budget 2025: Sabah, Sarawak to continue receiving among highest allocations - PM
Sabah and Sarawak continues to be prioritised under Budget 2025, with allocations of RM6.7 billion and RM5.9 billion respectively.
NFOF will be operational in November 2024 with funding of RM1 bil
PM Anwar Ibrahim said NFOF will support venture capital fund managers to invest in startup companies with RM300 million set aside for 2025.