The other reason was that in the final days of the year, I lost a friend, Hajjah Hamidah Sakandar Khan. Midah was my junior during my undergraduate days at UKM. We had been friends for a long time. She had a group of her friends and I had my so-called gang, and all of us became friends. We stayed in touch through these friends but rarely met given our schedules. Of course, that’s only an excuse.
She visited me after my major surgery five years ago although she had just come out of one herself. It was good to see part of the gang again. I visited her in hospital two months before her passing and got to meet some of our friends again. I had mixed feeling about seeing them again under these circumstances – happy to see them, shared updates, hugged them tightly to my chest and shed tears for Midah. We left the hospital heartbroken, but we kept praying for her till the end.
When Datin Seri Maimunah Md Ali, one of the gang members informed me of Midah’s passing the night of 30th December 2024. I was very sad. We kept in contact as she travelled to Kuala Lumpur from Terengganu for the funeral. I told her that I would meet her at the mosque. There were so many friends of the family. It was not a surprise as Midah was a good soul.
Only a few of our close friends were there. It was the end of the year so; it was understandable that many were travelling enjoying the last visages of the year with their families. Some called Mai for updates and were devastated in hearing the news and could not be there for the last rites, the last prayers and when she was finally laid in her last resting place. But it doesn’t matter, they were a constant in her life till the very end.
We proceeded to the graveyard and there was an equal throng of people in attendance. I stood alone, a bit further form the crowd and listened to the Imam. It finally hit me hard. I crumpled into myself when the Imam said “Selamat Tinggal Hamidah”. I stood rooted to the spot until Mai came to me and hugged me fiercely. I whispered to her that she was a good friend and bade her goodbye and to have a safe flight back to Terengganu. I always suspected that Mai was on ‘stand-by’ for the inevitable although we never said this aloud, but nodded knowingly.
It was when I was going through this mental exhaustion that I messaged Adilah, telling her that I would ponder on what I wanted to write for her when my head clears up. It was another way of requesting for an extension, which I had never asked for before. She simply told me to “take care”. A day after that, tragedy struck again. Adilah lost her friend and colleague from Astro Awani, Linawati Adnan. I didn’t know her personally but I did know that she was a news anchor. She was a broadcaster and therefore, by extension, family.
I immediately text Adilah my condolences. I said that we had lost close friends in the last couple of days and it has been sad. I told her to take time to grief, we both needed the time. “Take care sis” was my parting wish for her. Because there can be no consolation, no compensation, nothing to alleviate the wrenching anguish of families and friends for the loss. The only solace is that there was no more pain and that Allah loved them more than all of us put together.
I believe all these kinds of friendships are based on trust. Trust in friendship is the foundation of a strong and lasting bond between individuals. When this trust is present, friends can rely on each other without hesitation and have faith in each other’s intentions and actions. Trust entails belief, reliability, and mutual understanding, enabling friends to feel safe, supported, and valued.
In these trustworthy friendships, we confide in one another, share vulnerabilities, and be assured that our secrets will be kept secure. Trust creates an atmosphere of openness, respect, and loyalty, leading to a deep and meaningful bond that can only be dissolved by death.
This is what I witnessed by the friendship Mai had with Midah and her friends and my relationship to all of them. I feel a deep and a similar connection of trust with Adilah.
The other kind of friendship, if you can call it that, is the lack of trust. You could have been friends for a long time, going through all the motions of belief, reliability, and mutual understanding but then something happens, and suddenly you’re not friends anymore. And for reasons you cannot fathom, the precious bond is broken, never to be repaired.
You could offer an olive branch, but it isn’t up to you if that gesture will be accepted or rejected. It’s out of your hands. All you can do is hope but even that has a timeline, at least for me. Sometimes you need to ask yourself this, “Is it worth hanging on to something so tight that it would break in the end?” I guess you could try, but don’t waste time fixing things you didn’t break.
If there is one lesson in all of this ending 2024, is that friendship goes both ways. You just need to be there when it matters. After they are gone, what you are left with are the memories – the happy and the sad. So, if Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word, as Elton John observes, then the Beatles song reminds us that “All You Need Is Love”.
Happy New Year everyone! Make 2025 count!
* Associate Professor Dr Roslina Abdul Latif is the Communication Expert and Thought Leader in Higher Education
** The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the position of Astro AWANI.
