A 'Superwoman' in a state of depression

My husband too, especially takes pride in me, being his Superwoman. He goes around telling his friends and my friends how lucky and strong his wife is. It was flattering, at first. But now, every time I hear those complimentary sweet nothings, I quietly cringe – the closest I get to a state of depression.

After my maid fled last September, I constantly feel alone in a house full of people. Though my children keep me bubbly, however, I feel more and more like a domestic helper rather than their mother. I feel like I am more of a maid than a wife to my workaholic husband. I feel that everything I do is just meaningless.

In this condition, I now understand why statistics show about one in every eight women can expect to develop clinical depression during their lifetime.

See, despite this 'super ability' that I have, doing everything on my own, I have also learnt to live this life without expecting any help from my spouse, just so that he has ease of mind at work. Truth is: no expectations, no disappointments.

Earlier this week, I had a meltdown. For the first time, I lost my cool. I shouted hysterically at my husband, in the car. I yelled 'listen, listen, listen' over and over and over again, with my arms and legs smacking and kicking the dashboard of my car, like a rotten three-year-old who was denied her favourite candy. My poor husband was so shocked and angered that he walked out of the car.

I went berserk because he refused to share some few minutes of his time, to listen to the rationale of things and the system that I had set for the family. My husband is a sweet man if he wants to be, a great father to my children but his work stress has made him ignorant of my well-being. It made him constantly dismiss my views, my thoughts and sometimes unconsciously belittle some aspects of my effort in making living better.

I understand that it is not his fault that he ignored me, he too, has a lot on his mind. But really, at that moment I was in dire need for someone to just listen.

You might think that I am rambling here about my domestic, household challenges but really, what I am trying to say here is, although superheroes are meant to save the day, keeping everybody safe and sound, the reality is, there is no such thing as a superhero. And should there be one, a superhero is (if not all) human – with heart and feelings.

I know a lot of other 'Superwomen' who share the same fate like me. The kind of women who work 12 hours a day in the office and then 10 hours more at home.

Superwomen like us never complain, never question. They just do. Their needs have never been a priority to anyone surrounding them because all that is visible is this strong woman who does amazing things for the people they love. Period.

But the fact remains, even a Superwoman needs a break. Even a Superwoman craves that tender, loving and caring for, too. Most importantly, a Superwoman needs somebody who can listen to them.

In the fast and cruel world we are living in today, imagine politicians listening to the people, really listen, rather than rambling aimlessly. Imagine children listening to their parents and parents, their children. Imagine teachers listening to the students. Imagine husbands listening to their wives like I know how most wives always listen to their husbands. Won't life be way simpler? When you listen better, you understand better, no?

My observation is, no single trait reveals as much about a person as their ability to pay attention to others. We live in a culture where most people feel silenced. Even among those closest to us, a capacity for listening is typically not well-developed.

In a nutshell, we are all generally starving for attention. And the same goes for Superheroes.

So, in this spirit of Mawlid and Christmas, make the Superhero in your life happy by giving them a big hug and simply ask them: How are you?

And listen. Just listen.