Celebrating Aidilfitri behind bars a painful experience

"I long to feel what it is like to observe Ramadan and celebrate Hari Raya at home with my twin children, I never have that chance because when I was arrested, my wife was nine-month pregnant with the twins."

Those are the words of an inmate currently serving his time at the Marang Prison here.

Farid (not his real name), 24, from Kemaman, said he also longed to kiss his wife's forehead as they sit down and seek each other's forgiveness for all their sins on the first day of Syawal.

He said it really hurt him to think how his wife had to raise their twins alone ever since he was arrested and sentenced to jail for sexual offence under Section 376 of the Penal Code three years ago.

"When I was sentenced to jail, she was nine-month pregnant...I'm grateful to have been blessed with the twins, but it hurts me not being able to care for them and to feel what it is like to observe Ramadan and celebrate Hari Raya with them because I'm locked in here and have to serve my time for the evil thing I did.

"This feeling hurts so much...only God knows the sadness and pain I'm feeling inside.

"Yes, they often visit me here and will even come on Hari Raya, but the feeling of celebrating Aidilfitri here and at home is different," he told reporter when met at the prison here.

Nevertheless, Farid said observing Ramadan behind bars had given him and fellow inmates the chance to improve themselves to be a better person. Here, I learn to properly perform the daily prayers and read the Quran, something that Ididn't even know how to do it before," he said.

Farid said although he have sinned, he was grateful that his wife and family were still able to forgive and accept him.

"They are my biggest motivators to be a better person...I was not thinking straight when I committed the offence, it was the first major offence I ever committed in my life.

"I have repented and I vowed to be a better person...I know what I did was wrong and I hope the society will be able to accept me back when I walk out of this prison one day," he said.

For 56-year-old Azman (not his real name), who is serving a life sentence for waging war against Yang di-Pertuan Agong, fellow inmates were his pillars of strength and motivators in observing Ramadan and celebrating Syawal in the prison.

"I have been here for 16 years, I'm used to fasting and celebrating Hari Raya without wife and children...my fellow inmates are my family who enliven my Aidilfitri celebration here.

"It's different from how people are celebrating it outside but this experience teaches me a lot of being a better person," said the man who has seven children aged between 17 and 28.

"I didn't get to watch them grow, but I'm grateful to have a wife who remains patient and strong in raising the children...they always visit me here," he said, adding that Muslim inmates at the prison were mostly preoccupied with various religious activities during Ramadan, including Quran recitation and Tarawih prayers.