[COLUMNIST] Children are not our exhibited trophy

WHEN someone ends their own life, it is often a desperate attempt to escape overwhelming despair, frustration, or to solve a problem they feel they cannot overcome.

Every year, 726,000 lives are tragically lost to suicide, making it a public health crisis. The figure is even higher when considering suicide attempts.

This behavior is a worrying issue in children and is a significant indicator of emotional distress. Unlike before, suicide is now more common in children before reaching puberty.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), suicide is now the eighth leading cause of death in children aged 5 to 11 in the United States.

Back in our country, the 2022 report of the National Health and Morbidity Survey (NHMS) has discovered a troubling trend of increasing suicidal thoughts and attempted suicides among teenagers.

A total of 872 young people in Malaysia took their lives from January 2019 to May 2021, as reported by the Royal Malaysia Police (PDRM).

Children between the age of 15 to 18 years old made up 51 percent of the total 1,708 suicide cases recorded within that period.

Teenage girls consistently show higher rates of psychological and mood problems than teenage boys.

The sad fact is that younger children are often unprompted and impulsive with their suicide attempts. Feelings of sorrow, confusion, anger, or problems with attention and hyperactivity may drive such acts.

The American Academy of Pediatrics lists the causes of mental health issues in children and teenagers as mainly biological and socio-environmental factors.

It adds that negative parenting, such as an authoritarian style, lack of love, loss of parents, family violence, and abuse, are warning signs of mental health issues among children.

Sadly, parents who are supposed to be the guardians of their children can sometimes be the ones causing harm.

Education Minister Fadhlina Sidek mentioned at the launch of the Mental Health Social Innovation contest that the role of counselors and parents is equally important in preventing such behavior at an early stage.

The Ministry of Education (MOE) is deeply concerned about the growing number of students experiencing suicidal ideation and the harmful "barcode" trend as a supposed remedy for depression.

Thus, parents really need to actively engage with their children. All parents want the best for their children, especially in terms of education, and children, in return, need to strive for achievement.

Children today often face immense pressure to achieve good grades, awards, and other external markers of success.

This can leave little room for the unstructured play and exploration that were once hallmarks of childhood.

Allowing the 'good ones' to make their parents proud by scoring straight A’s or standing on the stage podium is a must.

Parents, anxious to provide their children with every opportunity, can sometimes unwittingly limit their children's liberty and freedom to explore on their own.

These types of parents often consider diplomas and degrees as the ultimate markers of their children's success.

Some even talk about their children so much on social media, as if they have nothing else worthwhile to share with the world.

It is highly frustrating to see parents proudly share the success and accomplishments of their children, making them seem special in every way.

It is also pitiful when a parent forces their child into a sport or activity that the child does not like.

On the contrary, when these children are viewed as 'failures' or 'rotten,' it can create a sense of shame or disappointment for their families, leading to serious negative consequences for their self-esteem and mental health.

Thus, it is vital to approach parenting with empathy, understanding, and support.

Instead of focusing on negative labels, parents should strive to help children develop their inner abilities and face life's hurdles.

Every child deserves love and acceptance regardless of their abilities or challenges. Good parenting means focusing on strengths and potential.

Instead of dwelling on perceived failures, parents need to help children identify their strengths and build on them.

Providing support and guidance, including offering encouragement, guidance, and resources to help children overcome challenges and reach their goals, is much better than shouting for their winning trophies.

Most importantly, parents should not be in denial when their children are experiencing mental stress.

Concerned parents who care about their child's well-being must consider seeking professional help from a counselor or therapist when this happens.

This can provide guidance and support for both the child and the family through organized and regular psychological screening and professional support.

Additionally, parenting programs can be expanded to provide greater support and protection for children from vulnerable families.

Only through a broad and varied approach can we genuinely furnish the support that children need.

To be clear, suicide is not a plot of drama on the stage. Every suicide is a tragedy that ripples through families and communities, leaving pain and loss for those left behind.

Finally, children can have positive and memorable childhood experiences that they can draw on in their own parenting journeys, creating a cycle of positive vibes not only in their lives but also for future generations.

**If you are lonely, distressed, or having negative thoughts, Befrienders offers free and confidential support 24 hours a day. Contact Befrienders KL at 03-76272929 or 04-281 5161/1108 in Penang, or 05-547 7933/7955 in Ipoh or email sam@befrienders.org.my

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Dr Abdul Mutalib Embong and Han Jung Shun are members of RIG 4, Centre of Fundamental and Continuing Education (PPAL), Universiti Malaysia Terengganu (UMT).

The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the position of Astro AWANI.