"He hit me, but I love him"

She adjusted her seat a few times and then puts her hand over her head as though she had a headache.

“I’m shaking.” she said as she shifted her seat again.

“Every time I think about it, I will start to shiver.” said Intan (not her real name) as she tries to recall her dark moments being beaten up by her abusive ex-husband.

I tried to calm her down assuring her that she didn't have to continue with the interview if she did not feel comfortable.

“But I want to. I want to help other women who are also in my situation” she said nervously.

She let out a loud exhale.

“So how did it all began?” I asked after almost 30 minutes of trying to make her feel “comfortable” although clearly she was still not at ease.

“I was abused physically and mentally throughout my marriage of over 20 years.”

“He would hit me, push my head to the wall, kick me and use vulgar words to humiliate me and degrade me.”

“There was once he even put a “parang” at my neck threatening to kill me” she said trembling describing the ordeal she had gone through with the “Datuk” she once called husband.

That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Could not stand the torture anymore Intan ran away from home.

“I was under emotional stress. I almost committed suicide because it hurts so much. I had no one to turn to.”

“Wherever I go nobody would help me because my ex-husband was someone of high ranks.”

She put up with her ex-husband who was very hot tempered and manipulative man for the sake of her 6 children.

“I was not allowed to work. I had no money. And I have to stay on to take care of my children.” she said when asked why did she endured the abuses for so long.

After she ran from home her husband divorced her. Only that ended the ordeal of the daily beatings.

Stumbled upon an advertisement on violence against women, Intan decided to seek help from the Department of Women’s Development.

“After I seek help from the counselor, I finally manage to find back my strength. I feel as if I was dead and came back to live. Suddenly there is hope again. I can finally breathe.”

Now Intan is trying to start anew with her new life, without violence. She hopes to help other women who also had to go through her nightmare.

“Women need to know that they deserve to be cherished and loved. They are precious and ought to be respected just like men.”

Letchumy only learned that 12 years later on after being married to her husband who once smashed her head with a ketchup bottle on her birthday.

She is currently been given a “break” and lived a calmer and peaceful life since her husband was imprisoned 2 years ago for robbery.

“We married young. I was 18 years old. At first he was nice. But things started to change after 2 months we got married. Every night he would go out drinking and comes back late. Whenever I ask him he would get angry and start to hit me.”

Her family would advise her to be patient and soon her husband will surely change.

“When he starts to get violent, he completely forgets that I am a woman or his wife. Whatever he gets his hands on, he will use it to hit me. Sometimes he would even hit my mother whenever she tries to break our fight.”

The monster who was once the love of her life would not even spare her when she was pregnant when he laid his hands on her causing her to be warded for 15 days.

The mother of 3 related how she could not stand the beating anymore and once hid in her friend’s place.

“He found out about it, he got so angry he threatened to poison our children. That was when I called the police. And they kept him in the lock up.”

Her husband was in and out of prison for various crimes.

“I was really sad when he first went to jail. I pitied him. I would visit him every day and try to find money to bail him out.”

Thinking that her husband would repent and change, he went back to his old behaviour.

“On my birthday, my mother bought me cake and my sister got me a new dress. My friend called and I went out to see her for awhile. He was taking a bath. When I got back, he was furious. He asked where did I go, did I went to see another man and accused me of having a boyfriend. He didn’t accept any explanation he took the ketchup bottle and hit my head. That was my birthday present.”

All the while, Letchumy could only pray her nightmares would be over.

“As a woman, I always thought I could change his attitude. I thought that he will come to his senses and remember how much I have gone through all this while because of him. I thought surely one day he will see his children and realised he should change his behavior.”

But that did not happen.

It’s been 2 years she is “free” from the vicious chain of violence ever since her husband is imprisoned.

Making flower garlands for prayers to earn a living, she makes RM600 a month to support her 3 children and her mother.

“Now I’m happy, although I have to work hard to feed my family. At least I’m happy. I hope to open a garland flower shop in the future.”

Little known what her future would bring as her husband would be released from jail next year.

One thing for sure she will file for a divorce as soon as he gets out.