"Where is the grave for us to visit?" - Family of Wan Swaid

Facing the reality that your loved ones are missing and having to imagine life without them is much too painful to bear.

Not seeing them for a day or two is one thing, but having to go through a whole year without feeling their presence is just excruciating.

The emotional strength, the heavy burden that had to be borne by Nur Laila Ngah, 41, the wife of Malaysia Airlines flight MH370’s senior flight attendant, Wan Swaid Wan Ismail, 42, since that fateful March 8 a year ago, had been just too overwhelming.

For Farah Fazulah Abdullah, niece to Wan Swaid and Nur Laila, she said her aunt had been so strong in facing the tragedy.

“It was heartbreaking, after the government declared the loss of flight MH370. At that time, the whole family knew that we had to render whatever support we could to Aunty Laila.

“The last Hari Raya Aidilfitri celebration was the toughest. Aunty Laila had asked, "if it’s true that Uncle was no longer around, where are we supposed to visit his grave?” Farah told Astro AWANI, recently.

She said her aunt is gradually building a strong front, raising the couple’s three young children aged 13, 11 and nine.

“I can only imagine how she must be missing her husband dearly. It shows even more on special days... on birthdays, or when one of their children sat for the Ujian Penilaian Sekolah Rendah (UPSR) last year.”

Farah said, Nur Laila’s emotions were also evident when she passes by some places where memories were shared with her husband.

“For example, when we walked, she would point out, ‘that’s Uncle’s favourite restaurant’. She would never forget the dish Uncle always ordered when dining there.

“If at home, Aunty Laila would take out Uncle’s uniform. She’d also tell stories about him watching the news on TV while the children watch cartoons.

“Uncle’s presence is still strongly felt. Uncle was the love of Aunty Laila’s life,” said Farah.

'Wishing to dream'

Despite Wan Swaid being so much a part of Nur Laila’s life, his wife knew that she had to continue living, for the sake of their children.

“It wasn’t easy -- the lack of information really didn’t help. At this point, Aunty says, even if she could see Uncle in her dreams, she would be happy,” said Farah.

She said she was amazed by the strength shown by Wan Swaid’s children in facing the adversity.

“At first, they thought their daddy was just ‘flying’ but later they realised what had happened.

“There were many instances where they cried thinking about their father, but they are undoubtedly strong.”

Farah said, even though there are still tons of questions unanswered in the MH370 mystery, hope still lies in the heart of each of their family members.

“We don’t know what to call Uncle now. If we call him ‘arwah’, is that really true?”

“Everyone is pretty much done crying, we’re out of tears. Right now, we are just continuing to wait for answers.”

Wan Swaid’s legacy

As for Wan Swaid’s nephew, Wan Imran Wan Abdul Rahman, he said he was very close to his uncle since young.

“He was very ‘cool’. I learned a lot from him, he had a lot of influence in my life.

“Uncle never got angry. The way he handled people and situations were truly remarkable,” he told Astro AWANI.

Wan Imran said, his uncle’s legacy of never missing a family function will be treasured forever.

“What remains, is his legacy that will be continued. Uncle was always beside his family. He never missed a function despite his busy schedules, he was always the first to arrive … he had a good relationship with everyone in the family.

“Wherever he is now, we hope he is at peace. There’s nothing else we can do but pray and hope that he will one day return. The family’s prayers are the source of our strength right now,” he said.

When asked about the one word that Wan Swaid always said, Wan Imran replied: “Guano (‘how are you’ in Kelantanese dialect) that would be the first thing he utters each time we meet. I’ll never forget that.”

Hailing from Pasir Mas, Kelantan, Wan Swaid is the youngest of 10 siblings and had served MAS since 1995.