Yearly Nosey Chinese New Year “Interrogations”

As certain as the malls are filled to the brim with people frantically looking for last minute Chinese New Year garments, our relatives are bound to ask us some very archetypal yet repetitive questions during this festive season. We relish in the idea that reunions are a joyful way to reconnect and to keep our families closer, but there is just one element that may send shivers down your spine – the dreaded relative inquisition. We thought, since this is a yearly thing; why not use our expertise (and many years of CNY visits) for a good cause and list down some annoying questions we constantly get during the Lunar New Year with a host of equally inane responses to prep yourselves against the onslaught of questions.

1.Do you have a job, and if so, what do you do? This question is probably the first thing thrown at you at a reunion, but it’s curious as to why this is brought up countless times after an elaborate explanation is given every single year as to what I do – we wonder if our relatives have short-term memory or if the job you mentioned before was wiped out from their memory as it wasn’t at all related to medicine, accountancy or law (I am a writer, yes, that HASN’T changed).

Responses: - “Oh I think I just heard a message come in on my cellphone, I may have an urgent office email to attend to.” Then proceed to walk away (gradually). - “If I told you what I do for a living, I may have to kill you.” I may or may not be kidding. - “I design edible attire, it’s the latest trend – would you like me to pass you some?” - “I’m taking the Tai Tai route – fundamentally hoping to find a rich husband to pay for my ridiculous shopping habits!” (Say this line with a deadpan face for full effect).

2.Do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend? As a young adult, it seems like the go-to question would be regarding your relationship status. So, if you are single (perpetually), you’ve probably heard this question more times than you’ve heard your Asian parents say “I Love You”.

Responses: - “No, do you have suitable candidates available?” - “I’m planning to be a nun and live in the Alps for the rest of my life.” - “I have a boyfriend/girlfriend, they just don’t know it yet…” Then flash them a brazen smirk. - “No. But I do have 15 tabbies and counting.” - Or “I love being single and independent! Let me live my life why don’t you.”

3. Why so fat/skinny already? (Inappropriate questions about my weight) What is it with relatives and commenting on our weight? Sorry, if my weight offends you or if being too skinny or too fat is somehow correlated to being depressed or signs of stress, my defence is just to assure them that I am perfectly fine with my appearance, thank you. Perhaps it’s just holiday weight from the Christmas season, maybe I just love my carbs or don’t have the time to regularly head to the gym. Whatever the reason, relatives just love bringing up the KGs during CNY.

Responses: -“I’m in shape! Round is a shape.” - (If you fall in the “FAT” category) “I’m trying to make myself harder to kidnap.” - “I’m just horizontally challenged!” -“I might be fat but I can exercise and diet. Ain’t no calories you can burn to lose ugly.”

Even after all the questions, continue to STAY STRONG!

Honestly, the best ways we can think of escaping these questions without revealing too much would be to keep busy, or appear to look busy. Get involved with cooking, setting the tables, doing the dishes, bringing the kids out to the park, or play a round of mahjoing with your grandma. And if all else fails, just have these effective comeback lines ready.

Have a wonderful LUNAR NEW YEAR!! Travel safe, it will be over before you can say,Gong Xi Fa.... ;)