Anwar can go on for two hours; Zaid lasts all of twenty minutes

THE Kajang by-election is still some way away but already the battle for the Selangor State seat N25 has revealed the loquacious length of at least two candidates in a public exposure separating the men from the boys.

This public ‘dressing down’ was dished out by former minister Datuk Zaid Ibrahim but it is one where neither he nor his foe run the risk of being caught with their pants down. But there’s enough salacity as going into battle making do with a tool that is only one fifth the size of your foe might be the height of risky behaviour, no?

What’s more he is far from embarrassed by this lack of length as he unblushingly dangled this inadequacy in public – at a satay restaurant of all places. Others might cower and go to great lengths to hide one’s measly minor mojo but Zaid positively relishes playing second fiddle to Pakatan Rakyat’s Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim who has indicated his candidacy earlier. In fact he touts this lack of size as an advantage.

Before anyone out there gets the wrong idea, we have moved on from the stomach curling days of airing soiled linen in public – or for those with a particularly stiff constitution; dragging stained beds from car park to court rooms – as society has moved on; maybe just a bit.

Through constant bombardment, we have become rather immune to the jangling sounds of skeletons rattling in most politicians’ cupboards. But even then, Zaid was referring to Anwar’s oratory when asked by a gaggle of journalists who attended his news conference in Kajang on Sunday (February 16, 2014).

Far from hitting somewhere below the belt, Zaid was referring to Anwar’s verbal tendency and not subjecting himself to self-deprecating hara-kiri. Be that as it may, one can be sure that sometime during the duration of the eventual election campaign, someone or other will no doubt unzip and let rip, no doubt making some private dig at the comparative size of one candidate’s manhood or the other.

One does not need to reside down in the gutter to engage in such politics after all!

So back to the Sunday news conference. Somewhat drowned out by the noisy chomping at the bit and lusty conversation of diners, Zaid magnanimously credited Anwar for being able to hold court for two hours once in possession of the microphone out campaigning. Zaid went on to reveal that he could only hang on for 20 minutes before he would lose interest.

Before I get sued by anyone so thin skinned for dragging the conversation into Penthouse territory, what Zaid was reported to be intimating was that he would leave all the verbal blustering to Anwar and not joust toe-to-toe at the mike while out campaigning on the hustings. That would clearly work to Anwar’s advantage who is an acknowledged master at holding the crowd to rapt attention.

Knowing his limitations, Zaid has chosen to use the medium of Youtube and the internet rather than waste time trying to reach out through pressing the flesh during energy-sapping ceramah sessions.

Zaid can count on his son Ezra – who is a media personality in his own right - and his Gen-Y cohorts to spearhead this effort. Ezra is widely recognised for his creative use of Youtube to broadcast his brand of mature humour that sits well with the elites. Think of Instant Cafe Theatre but without Patrick Teoh and you get the picture.

But hey, wait a minute! Nomination day is well over a month away (Mar 23), yet the race to be Kajang State Assemblyman has already attracted five candidates.

Apart from Anwar and Zaid, those who have tossed their hat into the ring include Anwar foe S Nallakaruppan and another hopeful named Yuktes Vijay who puts his vocation as a former legal aide.

Talk about jumping the gun! The race has not even officially started yet there are already moves that would make a certain long-serving, even-longer-staying State politician recently in the news blush! (This we leave for later, perhaps when more walls break down and a spade does not have to be referred to as some mechanical implement with the capacity to move muck).

If indeed there exists a law against premature campaigning – and I don’t recall seeing the race flagged off in any of the main media organs yet – then surely this has been flagrantly flouted.

The BN has already firmly indicated that it will contest the by-election if only to demonstrate that it believes elections, by-elections included; are there for the contesting. Never mind that all the indicators are that Anwar is clear favourite to win.

Already one idea by the MCA to put up national badminton player Datuk Lee Chong Wei as BN candidate has been summarily shot down. Sports and Youth minister Khairy Jamaludin – who curiously is still not been awarded a datukship yet – instantly put paid to such notions when he sternly kicked that idea to touch when it was first mooted. To that, I say; finally; here’s one minister who is leaps and bounds ahead of the pack in parliament in terms of clear thinking.

Others, even on his side of the political divide stand accused of being more prone to populism for short term instant gain.

But then again, who knows, perhaps Chong Wei would make a terrific Yang Berhormat! Though I must caution that the MCA once tried offering former national footballer from my kampong in Alor Gajah – Soh Chin Aun – to stand on a BN ticket.

On the field marshalling the nation’s backline with the giant Sikh Santokh Singh in the early 1980s, he was solid rock. Drag him up the podium to speak at a ceramah and you could not find a more blubbering speaker.

Suffice to say, the player we all respectfully called the Towkay, decided politics was not for him.

So whatever you do, keep a date in your diary for the Kajang by-election – as to whether you want to remain a million miles away from the ruckus or if you wish to join in the fray; if only to come and sample the satay.