Of faith, India's Daughter and the chauvinistic male in Malaysia

I watched India’s Daughter last Tuesday, the documentary produced by BBC which was banned in India.

This documentary film directed by Leslee Udwin is based on the 2012 Delhi gang rape and murder of of 23-year old Jyothi Singh, who was a physiotherapy student.

In this 60-minute long film, Jyothi’s parents, close friends, member of NGOs, activists, lawyers and one of her rapists retell the unfortunate, inhumane circumstance that took place on 16 December 2012.

Jyothi’s plight had inflicted a widespread coverage, not just in India but around the globe. It also triggered public rage, protests and criticism of the Indian government for not providing ample and the needful protection for women.

The whole time, watching the documentary, there was never a second that my heart failed to break. My heart broke for Jyothi and her parents and the women in India.

It got me thinking that I am actually fortunate to be living in Malaysia, that I am NOT India’s daughter.

After watching the film, I think to myself: I am grateful to be surrounded by Malaysian men who have good amount of respect towards the women of the nation, hence giving me that firm sense of security.

But my gratitude and that sense of safety did not last long. Those feelings fade slowly after reading quite a number of postings throughout this week on the social media ie. postings on women, from men who disregard women as an equal gender (or at least as a gender who deserves the equal respect) in this country.

(No, I am not talking about that particular 'mualaf' preacher man who stated in his newspaper column that women's bodies are arousing and that they make men want to rape them - but something along that line)

I got disgusted with what was playing in the minds of these men that raved them to make those sexist statements. I was even more disgusted that there are women who ‘ayed’ these notions.

Here’s an example of a post from a friend of mine, who is educated and living in the city, who is a father to a one-year old girl. Believe me, you see a lot of these in the virtual world.

He reposted this quote, assuming from another girl. And he stated his utter agreement with this insight.

Let me translate it:

“Let’s talk about respect…

Please note that when candies are left uncovered, disgusting flies are bound to land on you”

For the love of God. Is this how our men perceive us women? Like we are some kind of candy for everybody?

If that’s the case, in this context, then, what makes you (men)? I am guessing that you'd be the disgusting fly?

Is this really how some ‘covered’ women perceived other women with sexy outfit? And in which phase of life do women begin to do this to their own kind?

Did God not created men in this world to (among others) protect us women?

If we are the candy, then, aren't you (men) supposed to be our wrapper? To protect us from dust, dirt and even disgusting flies?

And if we (women) are really the weaker gender, then, should you not be the stronger one and save us from plight and distress?

See; Jyothi was decently dressed when she was raped by 6 men, comprised of a juvenile, a father to a newborn son, a fitness trainer, a pair of brothers and a bus care taker.

She was on her way home and in a bus with her male friend from watching ‘Life of Pi’ when she was confronted by five men, the other was driving. Jhyoti defended herself, she fought hard. And for that, she was hit by a blunt object countless times, so hard that her internal organs ruptured – her intestines was pulled out. Subsequently, the rapists dumped her and her male friend by the roadside.

Her fight for life did not end there. In the film, the doctor said her injuries was unprecedented and that she had two days to live. Her internal organs were so badly injured that the doctor did not know where to start and how to fix her.

But Jyothi fought hard for her life. And two weeks later, with her mother and father by her side, she was laid to rest.

Questions: What if Jyothi were to be your mother or your sister or even your daughter? Would you go outright and say they deserve it?

Would you be like the rapist or even the lawyers, who are all chauvinists in this film – diplomatically insinuated that ‘she deserves it’ just because a girl in India is not supposed to be out at night walking the streets of Delhi?

Please tell ourselves that there should never be an excuse for rape. Never.

Please educate our children that no woman deserves to be raped, no matter what their outfits are. Never.

Please believe that when a woman said no, she really means it. That it is not some form of flirtation or and open invitation to sex. Never. Ever.

Here is an analogy of women from the defence lawyer for the rapists in the film:

“If you put that flower in a gutter it is spoilt. If you put it in the temple, it is worshiped”

It is just so appalling that it is 2015 and yet, women are still perceived as just an object – candies, flower, punching bag etc.

What's even appalling is that men think this way not just in India, but here in Malaysia.

So, dear men, really? If you can’t teach yourself to control your desire with some decency of respect, being hugely aroused even by the slightest and sheer sight of our skin, then please (I beg of you) don’t go around teaching us woman how to respect ourselves.

By doing so, you are no better than those rapists.

In fact why tell us to cover up when you can be all man about it and put on a chastity belt?

Please, don’t preach when you failed to teach, when you failed to lead.

Please educate yourself and embed it in your heads and heart that rape and sexual harassment is never right and it will never be. Never.

So really, my dear male friends and brothers, why go around making sense and being all defensive over something that is WRONG with your offensive posting and embarrassing bravados - when we all can be civilised, exuding healthy mentality and body and together work towards a better, respectful living in harmony?

Despite all those questions and frustrations in my head, woman like me have faith that we can always count on you (men) to watch our backs and the future of our daughters, unlike those men in that video.

We have faith that Malaysian men are not as shallow and stupid and inhumane like the men in India's Daughter.

So please don't kill our faith and our trust on you.

Stop spreading words that demoralised us.

And to the women who proudly backed up the opposite sex’s embarrassing and sexist bravado, really, what happen to our sisterhood? What happen to our pledge to forever stand by and stand up for our kind, protecting the sisters, daughters and mothers of the world?

If we can’t rely and depend on each other as much as we could and are supposed to, maybe, in no time we the women and daughters of Malaysia can be the exact same reflection of the daughters of India.

Until that day comes, my heart will continue to have faith in our men.