Holy Water vs. Air Yasin

Recently, while I was casually browsing through the JAKIM (Department of Islamic Development Malaysia) website, I stumbled upon something interesting.

(Please don’t ask me why I was casually browsing though the website. Just don’t!)

There is this one particular page on the site that caught my eye titled ‘Guidelines for Muslims celebrating religious festivals of non-Muslims’.

As a multiculturalist Malaysian who celebrates a slew of festivals, from the Muslim to the non-Muslim kind, I obviously had to read it to ensure my Islamic faith is still intact.

It being the Christmas season, I will look specifically at the points that refer to Christmas, just to keep to a timely theme. Or else, this article would be just too long.

The page states that if a Muslim is to attend an event, he or she needs to make sure that the event does not consist of ‘ceremonies that are against the Islamic faith’.

Such as, ‘to deliver speech or gestures in the form of praise to the non-Muslim religion’ and ‘to include religious symbols such as the cross, installing lights, candles, Christmas tree and so forth’.

Wow! I guess I can’t go to any shopping malls during this period because almost every single one would have a Christmas tree with lights in its centre court, and not to mention carolling.

And so many government leaders won’t be able to attend any functions held by Christian groups in the country, or give speeches that promote harmonious living between races and religions.

The page also states that the ‘event is not accompanied by acts against the Islamic law’. And Islamic law is defined, amongst many points as; ‘Wearing red costumes like Santa Claus or other garments that reflect religion’.

I didn’t know a folklore character like Santa Claus was representative of the Christian religion. I always thought that it was a Germanic pagan influence that was actually against Christianity.

And, isn’t a certain political party that is suppose to champion the interests of a certain majority race that are of a certain majority religious belief has red as one if it’s primary colours?

There are many other points on the page that is just downright amusing to me. Among the reasons that prohibit Muslims attending certain events are if it includes:

- Wearing conspicuous clothing (like maybe a chicken suit?) - Mixing freely without any limit or manners (What religion promotes the lack of manners?) - Singing songs that contain lyrics of obscenity and worship (Does obscenity and worship even go together?) - Speeches or songs in the form of non-Muslim religious propaganda (That eliminates all non-Muslim religious festival, I guess)

I think I have a solution to all of this. We have to ensure that the entire Malaysia needs to consist of only people that share one religious belief. And it’s obvious that it has to be Islam.

How do we do this, you ask? Easy!

Everyone knows that Christian Holy Water is so powerful that it can convert any Muslim into a Christian just by pouring a few drops in to their drinking water.

I’m sure Islam has something equally as powerful. Yes! The Air Yasin! We can pour loads of it into the country’s drinking water source and everyone will turn into a Muslim!

Merry Christmas and Happy Boxing Day everyone!