It's all APPS-ening here at Awani

I DON’T know about you but I’d reach out for the nearest parachute should a worryingly hirsute stewardess in pointy heels, peroxide blond wig and pinky drag start to prance up and down the galley of an airplane of which I am a full fare-paying passenger, and start to toy with my tea.

However, with enough advance warning, and my readiness to enjoy the Richard Branson brand of boarding school high jinks and irreverent pranking, I wouldn’t actually mind paying for the privilege of being party to such airborne mickey taking and Tom foolery.

Branson’s latest caper egged on by the equally irrepressible Air Asia boss Tony Fernandes gives new meaning to aerial high jinks by fliers aiming for membership of the Mile High Club. Having lost a bet that his Formula 1 team would top Tony’s Caterham outfit in the 2010 season, Branson had to serve as a stewardess in a full Air Asia flight.

And more than that, I’d really be more than happy to go round persuading every Malaysian – post GE13 – to allocate their next improved lot of BR1M endowment as promised by any freshly-minted BN government – to spend it all on the Samsung S4. It after all, has been the smart device of choice, apart from the latest iPhone for the growing legions of followers of www.astroawani.com who have responded to our entreaties to get them hooked on to this; our five-month-old bilingual news portal.

Post GE13, hardly a day passes lately, without an update or two from Rozi our Channel Chief, or Piyali our Digital High Priestess about the current standing of the Awani news portal.

Then, on Monday May 13, another email alert updating its status on Google Play Store:

You would also have been persuaded to download the mobile app for news portals after being egged on by the following adverts loudly proclaimed by our anchor Hans Yusof at the end of our much-admired 12 noon Buletin:

Our efforts that essentially results in weaning off of our viewers from their television sets reminds me of the Arqam movement in the late 1970s. While ours actually call for a viewership migration from traditional television to smart devices, Arqam’s called for holding off the corrosive influence of the idiot box from corrupting the minds of the legions of their loyal followers. How? By throwing the damned sets out through the window!

For those too young or lived too remotely and out of reach of its morality sanitizing crusade, Darul Arqam (the State of Arqam) is the movement Ashaari Muhammad founded in the 1970s that sprouted from amongst the rubber trees of Sungai Pencala in leafy Damansara. When Arqam was at its zenith, legend had it that it was not unusual for the city’s urban anglers to fish out television sets out of the Sungai Klang or one of its many tributaries, having been tossed out of the homes of its adherents.

Nationally, it was also when universities, colleges and schools were in the throes of a religious awakening driven by the ABIM-led idealists named Anwar Ibrahim – how he and the rest of us have moved on since then. Islamisation swept through the nation like some antiseptic moral cleansing cloud that descended to create an atmosphere of moral detoxification.

School girls started to wear the tudung (scarf), the men folk started covering the area between their belly button and their knees and the halal logo became much sought after.

By all accounts, this banishment of the television sets managed to keep out any of what would have been morally-sapping influence of the west that would have prevented its followers from living a morally chaste existence. Free of distractions and encumbrances Arqam stood out. The resourcefulness, entrepreneurial efforts and industry of its followers resulted in food items like soy sauce, vermicelli and sauces to become more widely accepted by the Malay muslim community. Previously it was often shunned, having been produced from shacks in the back lanes of Kepong or Sungai Buloh.

These were produced by the ethnic Chinese in those neighbourhoods with the main ingredients largely porcine or animal based and whose production methods did not conform to Muslim dietary codes.

Back to the www.astroawani.com portal. I made it a personal crusade to get as many of my friends and acquaintances to download the mobile app each time someone I knew acquired a new tablet or the latest Samsung. One of them, Jaspreet who brandished a brand new model over breakfast one morning did it without much convincing.

She however sternly reminded me that in order for her to religiously log on to the portal, its coverage must be true to our tagline of Berita Segenap Dimensi (News From All Dimensions). She pointedly ticked me off, warning that the moment Awani became Satu Dimensi (One Dimensional), she will not wait for any edict from the Pope to excommunicate me. Ouch!

I have no doubt the aerial high jinks of Branson and Fernandes contributed to increased traffic on www.astroawani.com on Monday. Piyali, no doubt would be poring over Chartbeat to trek the amount of hits we obtained from the duo’s flight of naughty frivolity.

ENDS.

RAZAK Chik knows of an old timer who bought a dozen Nokia 3310s (which,in its heyday was a truly smart device way back when), stocking up to prepare for when the model would be discontinued.

POST SCRIPT: A false posting appeared on FACEBOOK around 8pm on Monday 13 May claiming that a Rafizi vs KJ Debate on the PTPTN was scheduled for broadcast on Astro Awani at 10pm the same evening. The posting attracted a huge response from expectant viewers with many tweets and facebook comments. Many who were looking forward to the debate later expressed disappointment when Agenda Awani was broadcast as scheduled. One memorable comment said; “Maaf bertanya, sebenarnya ada ke tak debate Rafizi vs Khairi malam ni pukul 10. Ada Pak Cik Jambang membebel je..” For the benefit of Piyali here’s the translation: “Sorry for asking. Is there a Rafizi vs Khairi debate at 10 tonight? There is only a bearded uncle rattling away.” Our apologies to Denison Jayasooria, Kamarul’s esteemed guest on the programme for impolite and uncultured language from one such ignoramus.