Men, Women, Singles and the Chase

Let’s face it. Gastronomic fulfilment aside, the encounter with the opposite sex is one of the universal topics that would connect any men and women at any social setting almost instantly.

Like all things in life, there is no ultimate guidebook or a set of rules to live by in dating and relationships that will help us secure a future where we are set for life and live happily ever after (as fairy tales suggest).

Most of the time I feel like we are on our own despite all the dating tips and advices that come in every form available.

Along with millions other women, I am on an explorative journey to understand men, dating and relationship. And to be quite frank, I don’t think I have quite figured it out yet. Why can’t dating and relationships be less complicated?

Then it occurred to me — we are emotional and inquisitive beings. While we want to have men and relationships figured out, we do not want ourselves to be figured out by our male counterpart, and vice versa.

It is in our nature to fear that by sincerely putting ourselves out there or wearing our hearts on our sleeves will result in the opposite sex finding out that we are too vulnerable and available. “Am I a little too nerdy, too nice, too boring; not brainy or funny enough?” Deep down, we are trying to avoid suffering a bruised ego and a broken heart. However despite all the fear, we are still on our never-ending quest in search of love.

Perhaps, modern day pop ballad Stay with Me by Sam Smith rings true to the current state of modern dating.

"We are born to love," writes Helen Fisher anthropologist and author of "Why We Love".

Even if falling for a man means that I cannot remove the probability of having my heart broken somewhere down the road, and supposing dating and relationships have the tendency to mess with my mind by hitting me with the emotional highs and lows, I would still give love a chance.

But that does not equate to that I would jump into any relationships easily — perhaps I wish to guard my fragile heart, or that I secretly believe I deserve a great guy.

Actress Julie Delpy once said “too many women throw themselves into romance because they’re afraid of being single, then start making compromises and losing their identity. I won’t do that.” Yes Julie, I believe a lot of single professional women with myself included, totally second that.

So what if I meet a nice man but the idea of us being together does not feel like a good fit? Do I go out on dates with him just to not feel alone? Do I go out on dates with Mr. Nice Guy to validate my attractiveness and to boost my sense of self-worth?

This quote from the romantic television sitcom, Sex and the City pretty much sums up the state of modern dating for professional women — “being single used to mean that nobody wanted you. Now it means you’re pretty sexy and you’re taking your time deciding how you want your life to be and who you want to spend it with.”