A tiger by any name is prissy pussycat if it can't play ball

FOOTBALL teams use the power of new signings, the size of their trophy cabinets and the storied history of championships to put off the opposition. Still others just wield a brush – heard the one about the lady sponsor who thinks she can pummel her football foes into submission by the power of pink paint?

Our beleaguered football authorities however opted for the zoological way out – facing reality of mediocrity for the easy choice of verbal semantics. In their quest to revive the fortunes of our national football team the guardians of our football prowess concurred to ditch the poor tiger. (For the purpose of this week’s sporty diversion, we set aside the other wholly valid reason of national integration which we acknowledge is ministerial prerogative which we accept).

So; in the next international assignment, our team of footballers will call themselves Harimau Malaysia and no longer Harimau Malaya!

Did you manage to spot the difference? One’s a documented species; its dwindling numbers a sign of our slow but steady criminal neglect to drive it to extinction. The other? Well, perhaps a mass cull would help relieve us this forlorn hope that one day we will consistently be rated better than Bhutan – our football manhood to me, is well past resurrection.

Okay, like humans the world over, in times of strife; nothing should be discounted when problems need to be addressed. But a name change? You heard about a drowning man clutching at straws, haven’t you? Then again, in some communities, a perennially sick child sometimes regain health and vigour when the parents replaces the name given at birth. Shades of throwing the baby..err name; out with the bathwater don’t you!

THE CURSE OF LOCAL FOOTBALL

In Malaysian sporting lore, there is no sport more frustratingly underperforming for so long than our national football team.

We spend so much time, energy and resources to participate in international tournaments, always promising to put up a good fight.

But when all’s over bar the shouting, we somehow always end up wooden spoonists.

So will nomenclature show us the way to reverse the fortunes of our football team?

Perhaps we can, but the omens are not that good.

From the East Coast came tragic news that an actual hissing, roaring striped tiger was killed while crossing the road! This Harimau Malaya met an untimely end crossing the LPT (East Coast Highway). To compound our sense of loss – nay, grief; the cat was carrying two foetuses in its womb. A pregnant Harimau Malaya, about to find somewhere safe to deliver a pair of twins? So daddy Tiger must be out there somewhere.

READ: Tiger dies after hit by MPV at LPT2

A HUNTED VARIETY

Now if anyone wanted proof that there are still `em Tigers out thar…here’s the very dead proof!

Unfortunately this one is only good for the taxidermist.

A few weeks before that there was news about the evil deed of three hunters who were caught with their freezers exposed. No laughing matter this – some busybody neighbour caught a whiff of exotic odour from the tiger carcass.

The three hunters were brought to book immediately – and were made to pay a paltry fine.

Much was made about the inadequacy of our laws – someone caught shoplifting 5 cans of a certain alcoholic beverage with references to the Harimau may end up getting a 5 year jail sentence. Moral of the story here – avoid a judge who is teetotaller maybe?

PRESERVATION THE KEY

In the jungle, the Malayan tiger is a dying species. In the wild in the Peninsular, it is estimated that there’s just over 250 Harimau Malayas left.

Minus the two – one slaughtered for its prized testicles no doubt; the other by an unfortunate confrontation with a 4-wheeled monster; its continued prosperity in this, the year of the Fiery Monkey looks quite unlikely.

Which is just as well. I doubt is has found a safe haven (name change notwithstanding) on the national badges worn on the chests of 11 prissy Malaysian footballers. If our woefully inaudible roar on the football pitches is any measure of our determination to thrive and prosper, the uphill fight to replenish Harimau Malaya’s dwindling numbers will continue to be an uphill one.