When handshakes are no longer in fashion

We Malaysians are very well known for our good manners and social graces (unless of course when we are driving or riding on the road) . But really, it is not a secret that Malaysians are a friendly lot, we are the kind of society who call each other and refer to each other as family, ‘aunty’, ‘uncle’ and so on.

But off late, with the influence of so many culture from the West and especially the Middle East, our common ‘apa khabar’ or ‘how do you do’ are no longer in fashion.

And in the era of Islamisation and or Arabisation, a handshake can too be passé - especially in our country today. Don’t be surprised if there are people who decline to shake your hand, especially when it involves Malay Muslims and of the opposite sex.

This is only because in the teachings of Islam, it is not permissible for Muslims to touch including shaking hands with members of the opposite sex, unless they are related.

As for me, I have no issues with shaking hands with the opposite sex, especially when thet person has already extended his hand to be shaken, only because I know how embarrassing it feels to have your friendly gesture being shot down in the open.

So what is really in fashion today when it comes to the jumble of greetings that have emerged, that we must grasp so that we don’t feel like a social nerd when we go out and meet people?

I have to admit, I have not gone out to socialise for a long time now, but after attending a series of social events in the city, I realized that most people don’t actually extend their hands anymore to shake. Not because of religious restriction but for something else.

My observations found that society today extend their cheeks both left and right and sometimes left again, like it is a common etiquette for introduction, even when they have not met each other before. There were some who just pouted and started to blow kisses away up in the air. Some just jump straight for the hug.

And so, this is what I read about people and how their chosen greeting define them (socially).

Two kisses on the cheek – this is a very popular gesture and in trend and has become a norm. Two kisses show that you are likeable and can potentially be a social butterfly.

Three kisses on the cheek – You are either an Arab or a European or most commonly, trying to become one. This greeting can be ruined by hesitations and by the looping question of should I give one-kiss-or-two-or-three kisses?

Single peck on the cheek – she or he does not actually want to kiss or simply does not want to socialise. Their hellos are mostly hasty as to avoid the prospect of the second peck.

Air kiss – you are either a true blue socialite or you are just plain squirmish over skin contact. Maybe you do not want to get your freshly made hair all messed up or hate getting other people's make-up or sweat staining your cheeks.

Hand shake – a person who gives a firm hand shake exudes confidence and trustworthiness. Especially if he is a man - a weak grip might send message that he could be gay. As a woman, I would say a firm handshake paired with good qualities, can make a man desirable. I am not too sure I can say much about a woman with an assured grasp, she might probably be a regular at the gym maybe?

Hug – You must be really close to each other, or have known each other for ages or you have just reunited with a friend you have not met for ages. This gesture shows genuine emotions and that social rules can be ignored.