A woman's worth?

This notion is nothing new and I was recently reminded of this saying by my male colleagues during a discussion on the topic of marriage and children.

Worth, in this context, is directly proportionate to a woman's youth and fertility. In other words, it means a woman becomes less attractive and desirable as she gets older.

And, her child bearing ability also decreases with age, which in turn makes her more ‘desperate’ in finding a partner to settle down with.

Knowing of the tremendous strides taken by our predecessors in closing the gender inequality gap, and where women’s rights in taking charge of their own fate, as well as helming leadership roles in the public sphere have grown leaps and bounds in the past decades – such notion that a person’s value is determined by her age is a back-step in thinking and, in my opinion, should be banished.

A person’s ‘worth’ deteriorating with age depends entirely on what their values are and what she, or he, is ‘marketing’ on – and often in our society, the answer is in the physical aspect of things.

Young people are growing up under increasing pressure by the society to live up to a certain body image and to be physically attractive. More often than not, these ‘values’ trump one’s intellect and knowledge.

How many times have you heard of another popular, and equally flawed saying, that goes ‘men are valued for their accomplishments while women are more valued for their looks’?

Like it or not, women are still held to a double standard where a woman’s value is in her beauty and less on her capacity to lead, for example.

And this coupled with society’s pressure on women to be beautiful in a certain way, a certain size and colour, undermines one’s self worth, while increasing the pressure to conform. This often leads to self-esteem and body-image anxiety issues, in particular for young women.

I am thankful that during the crucial adolescent years, I was blessed by reassurance from family and friends to not place values on ephemeral assets. But that doesn’t mean I was never affected in any way as a young woman.

The same pressure goes for young men as well, who are misguided into thinking that one’s self worth is in obtaining job prestige or social status.

Value should be in the intellect of the mind and spirit, and adding to it is self confidence, maturity and sophistication. Value is in dignity, respect and tenacity. It also found by rising above one’s expectations or giving back to society. Worth can be valued in many forms but certainly, not against the pursuit of physical and material things only.

With my age fast approaching the thirties, my ‘worth’ as a woman supposedly has started to set off on a declining trajectory. Nonetheless, with age, I have increased a firmer grasp on my views and self worth, as well as acknowledging what are the important values and working to develop them further.

I want to end this article with a poem by African-American author and activist Maya Angelou, who passed on last week.

In her lifetime, Maya was a high school dropout, a teenage mother, a waitress, a civil rights activist, a poet, a writer, a teacher and many other things. Yet, she defied all the labels and hardship, spoke up on racism, advocated on women’s rights and became one of the most renowned and inspiring figures in the literary world – someone who exemplified remarkable values that we can aspire to be.

You may write me down in history With your bitter, twisted lies, You may tread me in the very dirt But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you? Why are you beset with gloom? 'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns, With the certainty of tides, Just like hopes springing high, Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken? Bowed head and lowered eyes? Shoulders falling down like teardrops. Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you? Don't you take it awful hard 'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words, You may cut me with your eyes, You may kill me with your hatefulness, But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you? Does it come as a surprise That I dance like I've got diamonds At the meeting of my thighs?